I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
