my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
