I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
time to smoke my breakfast
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Randomize
