I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Blood and glitter go together right?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
