Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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