I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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