12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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