I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
