I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
