That's intense
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
