were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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