i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize