My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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