R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
And my parents said I crawled through the house
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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