its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
He told me they were just razor bumps!
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
