I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
