She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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