just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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