How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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