I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
