I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
