I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
