Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize