I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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