Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
