he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
