4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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