fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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