So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
a search helicopter?!
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
