I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
