I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize