Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
false alarm. still invincible.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
