You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Randomize
