So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
