Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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