He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
