He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Drake has all the answers
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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