I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize