What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
