i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
