Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
