Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
