OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
