so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Did I show you my penis last night?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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