I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
40s are totally the cure
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
