Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
