her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
