I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
it's like iHOP with fire
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
