May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
