My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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