im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
