Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
