I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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