I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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