Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
