Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
