Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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