I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I lost the right to judge tonight
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
