well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Randomize
