We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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