Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
When did angry sex become our thing?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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