Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
