I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
