You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
