You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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