So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
