you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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