Got a toothbrush?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
A bitchslap is in order.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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