Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
